I usually only post deals and specials in the area, but after a run-in I had today with some not nice people I feel compelled to get this off my small chest.
I made the giant enormous mistake of going to the post office with all three of my kids at meltdown time (4-5 pm) when there was a line to mail some boxes. I know, this is a cardinal mistake of giant proportions. My little ones were acting like normal children in line at the post office. Not great, not really that bad.
When the seemingly nice woman in front of me says . . .
"You should call Nanny 911"
I laugh and say, "They really aren't that bad"
This is me trying to give her a chance to make it into a joke.
She then says, "Well, my children always stand in line beside me." (note her children were NOT with her)
I then say, "Again, they are really not being that bad. They are just out of school and really not interested in being at the post office." -note this was said in a slightly raised and very agitated voice.
The people behind me in line commented to me about how rude the woman was.
This whole event left me very irritated for the rest of the afternoon. I would never presume to tell someone I did not know how their children should be behaving. Then my brain stated working in overtime and led me to write out this post. . .
I don't know where we as a society came up with the notion that we all have to be perfect all the time. I certainly am not.
We all put on facades and masks and talk a good game, but when it gets down to the core we all struggle with the same basic issue. Some of us are just still willing to admit that we are not the perfect cookie cutter person.
There is the mom who is perfect, never gets flustered, never gets mad, always LOVES her children being with her. Well frankly, these people only serve to make me feel like they must think that I somehow don't love my children and there is something wrong with me because I need a break and find it easier sometimes to do things with out my kids with me.
But really any mom who says these things is totally just covering for herself. And face it, if you are never just in over your head then you are not really in it. The most perfect, most loving mothers that I know get frustrated. Even the most religious people I know get frustrated. It is okay to not be able to do it all. The mom who wants you to think that it is easy and that she always has it together is hiding something. We are all supposed to have moments where we feel like we are in over our heads.
And often you find the mother whose child is "perfect". And I don't mean perfect in the way that we all think our children are, but I mean perfect in the kind that no other child on earth could possibly do anything better that hers in every possible way. These are easy to spot because whenever you are talking about your children hers are never at fault in anything and are always perfectly behaved and your child must be the one causing the problem.
Again, this is not realistic. While our children are great, they all do stuff they are not supposed to. How else are they going to learn what they can and can't do? I have to have a way to correct a undesirable action with something desirable. To teach what is appropriate to say, I need the situation to prove what is right and acceptable.
Kids need to be kids. They need to play, they need to run, they need to explore the world from their perspective and try things out. If your child is one of the perfect ones than that must be great for you.
But mine are not. I love them to pieces and they really are good kids. I love watching them learn and explore new things. I love when they fall and get back up because they know they are okay and want to keep going. I love when they want me to sit and hold them. I love the fact that all three of my kids are super active and keep moving constantly unless they are asleep, in fact I prefer that they be that way instead of just wanting to sit quietly and play all the time. I love that when I ask them if they know Mommy loves them and they laugh and say "Yes" and I will ask who told them and they say "You did Mommy." I love when they "need me".
But I also know that I need a moment to myself. I need time to process silence. It makes me a better mommy to get a break from my kids and to think through things of the day. Taking a mommy break is totally fine. It is okay to say you need a break from your kids. Admit it. Free yourself from the thought that you have to want to be with them all the time. Tell your friends, they all feel it too. If they say they don't, they aren't being totally honest with you.
I just want to meet real moms, who don't have it all together, who need a break, love their kids to pieces, love their husbands, but are still willing to admit they can't always do it all.
I know I can't.
I would love to hear your comments and thoughts. And please know that you are in great company if you are a "normal" person like me :)
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5 comments:
I am very opinionated. VERY. I tend to open my mouth and get myself in trouble. Had I been the lady behind you, I probably would have asked the woman in front of you if she were on crack!?!?!? But, the older I get, the more I learn...or the more I TRY to learn. One thing I read on how to handle someone that is that blatantly rude (so rude you don't really know what to say) is to simply say, "Excuse me?" Make them repeat themselves. Act as if you couldn't have possibly heard them correctly. And keep acting that way, making them repeat themselves until they realize that they're being completely RUDE! It also keeps ME from freaking out on them and then looking like an ASS. It makes it clear to anyone listening that THEY are the ones being an ass!!!! I'm sorry you had to go through this. This woman must have a great life with perfect children. Wonder where they were??? At home with their nanny?? If I were the mom in front of you, I wouldn't even be able to hear your kids for the noise that my own children were making. And I don't mean inappropriate noises...just kid noises. Singing, reciting the alphabet, talking constantly, laughing, spinning around, etc. etc. You know...the kinda noise that may drive you bonkers but you really can't say SHUT UP because they aren't really doing anything wrong! lol ;) My best advice...let it go. Obviously, this woman is very unhappy. She either never gets to see her children (perhaps she was just on an afternoon visit away from the loonie bin!) or she beats them to keep them standing perfectly in line like the grown ups that they ARE NOT! Be glad you have happy children that are normal and drive you completely insane...like the rest of us!! :) Have a good night!! :)
well said Ginny. I often feel as if I need for my children to be that "perfect" model of how children are "supposed" to act. But they are not as you said perfect and the most helpful caring people will understand offer a smile or a simple word of encouragement instead of passing a judgment. I have even had friends, and I use that word loosely, treat me this way. Hang in there girl, we all have days like that.
Ya should have told her she needed to star in her own show called "Rude Things People Say". or...."so WHO taught your kid to stand in line quietly, because, clearly it wasn't YOU".
I feel your pain.
I cannot believe that woman said that to you. What an arse! Was it reeeeallly that important for her to open her pie-hole for a few minutes in line at the Post Office? Some people have so much NERVE and GALL that it amazes me.
Well, all I can say is that you are waaaaayyy more nice than I am.
I might have responded with - " you're gonna need to call Fulton County 911 here in a second! Beeyotch!
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